The Big Guy Turns 83

So the big guy turns 83 today.  He seems depressed but that's all part of the disease so we're gonna do our best to get him out of his funk.  Mom started out by making him his favorite breakfast ... I just experimented in the kitchen and made him a turkey Panini (anything more than a Panini would've been disastrous).  He said he liked it; maybe just being nice, who knows.  Of course there will be an abundance of cucumbers cut with a salt and pepper drizzle.  Those are a staple in his diet.  I don't remember a time we were ever without cucumbers for more than a day.

We are currently arguing over the reasons I think Gillette's are better than Bics.  "Remember that razor you had that looked like a car shifter in the 80s?  Wasn't that a Gillette?" I say.  "Bye.  I'm going to the store to buy Bics."  Those are the extent of our arguments these days lol.  They're really simple.  It seems like almost every day, something new confuses him, even if just for a minute.  Sometimes it lasts a lot longer than a minute.  We pull him back, and his recovery is perfect.  "Oh yea yea I know that!" lol.  I don't even think the word 'thankful' can accurately describe how I feel about being able to have my dad every day and write about him in this blog.  My parents are simply my favorite people besides Drew.  They are both a wealth of knowledge and love.  They love us with everything they have and we know it.  Our family is crazy, we fight, we talk shit, there's drama, but there's so much love it's unbelievable.

These days I try to ask dad as many questions as I possibly can about everything; how long were you in  the Korean War, what was it like living in Detroit when it was beautiful, what was your favorite part of raising horses, why do you like white bread better than wheat?  These are all questions I ask him.  I know I drive him crazy sometimes and he laughs at me, but I'm taking it all in.  Every second except when he's lost.  I push those moments aside and in reality, I'm probably in the process of blacking them all out.  That's not our dad.  Drew woke up this morning amidst dad's cell phone rings with my sibs one by one, calling to wish him a happy bday.  I told her to remember its papa's bday and say it when you go downstairs.  She went downstairs and sang Happy Birthday to him, the whole song.  His eyes lit up, it was cute.  It was a good start to both of their mornings.  Just something that little.  Loved it.

We are taking dad to one of his favorite restaurants tonight, Rocky's in Northville.  Of course he'll order a filet cooked medium; he lives for steak.  Dads a steak n potatoes guy.  Actually so are all of the boys.  It's probably MOST boys right?  I'm sure he'll have something funny to say for me to post on Facebook.  I'm sure every waitress and bartender that knows him will stop at the table.  I can only hope that if I'm here for 83 years, I can have as lucky a life as he has had.  For so many people to love someone that much, that's gotta be just a little bit of magic.

      

What she carries.

I took Drew to Nashville this weekend to move Sara down there.  I talked to both mom and dad the whole time I was gone.  Mom told me on Saturday when I called that cousin Nancy died.  I was sad.  But the first thing that came to my mind was my dad.  It was his niece.  This would be one of several deaths this year of people in our family.  Young, old, older ... every time I see dad say goodbye to someone in our family, I see him ponder his own mortality.  Just for a minute but it's there.  It's hard to  watch.

Sunday we got home and had a birthday dinner for uncle Andrew, uncle Chris, and Drew.  Dad loves when his family is around him.  This would be a good time to bring up mom and my gratefulness that she's in my dad's life.  He loves her more than anything in the whole world.  I've known that since I can remember.  I have always known that my mom is my dad's most favorite soul.  After all, she married him at 25 when he was 47 with custody of his 6 kids.  Crazy, right?!?!  That's some love right there.  And now, after being married for 35+ years, their relationship is different.  Mom takes care of dad and tests his blood sugar 3 times/day, makes sure he has his insulin, he eats right, goes to dr appts, remembers dates, communicates with family, knows families' names at funerals, (lol) etc .  She is his rock now.  He was her rock and now she's his.  I see the way he looks at her, sometimes mad haha, but mostly grateful.  He knows what she carries.  I think she's amazing.

Hands.

So last night I was standing in my mom and dad's room.  Dad was sitting on the chair talking to me about the Tigers win and getting ready for bed.  For some reason I felt the urge to take out my phone and get a picture of his hands.  Random.  Anyway I showed Drew the pictures this morning and she said "those hands done a lot of work."  HA! my little lady said that.  It was one of those times I might not forget what I felt like in that moment.  It was one of the smartest things I've heard her say and it left me with the sweetest feeling.  Yes, your papa has always been a hard worker.  Now it's our turn to work for him.  I've always liked pictures of people's hands.  They tell a story and oh if those hands could talk.

         

    

Home.

Dad went into the hospital last week.  He's home now, thank God.  But it seems like for the last two years, he's been visiting the hospital every few months.  It's been rough.  In this time, he has developed gout, he's an insulin dependent diabetic, and he has dementia.  Through all of this, I still consider our family very lucky.  He has manageable diseases (minus the dementia) that can be annoying, but not fatal if we stay on top of them.

With dementia patients, their minds and their focus get much smaller than ours.  They obsess and concentrate on very few things.  Dad's few things happen to be baseball (for the season lol), money, and thankfully, his family.  He loves being around his family as much as he can.  He keeps us laughing, and we've even started having family dinners on Sunday again.  As I get older, I realize there's nothing like family.  No matter what happens, it feels good to know each one of us always has somewhere to go.  We all have people.  So many people.  Thank God for that.  I have no idea what I would do without all my people.  This has been such an emotional experience.  But I have my people.

So dad's been home since Saturday.  He's a little down because his foot hurts ... don't know if it's the diabetic neuropathy or the gout, but either way, he's frustrated.  And yes he's a fighter, but I just got done harassing him to get him off his chair to walk around the house.  "You're a damn drill sargeant."  "Sorry dad .... but get up and walk ..... love you."  LOL and if looks could kill!  But he does it, it's ok if he's muttering profanity under his breath.  He's doing what I asked him to do.

  

A kid again.

Today was the best day I've had with pops in a long time. Brother Mike's building a pool by our house so dad wanted me to go see it. When I pulled up, it was just him and I and that was the happiest I've seen him in a long time. He explained every step of the job, (ain't my first rodeo dad lol) and introduced me to the homeowner. It was just like old times. That sparkle in his eye like a little kid. There was one point where we stood there just staring at the pool in silence for at least 5 minutes. I know what was going through his head. And for a moment .. He was young again.

 

Happy Fathers Day.

Happy Fathers Day to the most amazing man/papa/father Ive ever met .. Thank you for putting up with my shizz, making me laugh, thank you for being a role model to Drew, and lately thank you for teaching me what's important. I'm soaking up every moment.

An Outlet.

Ok so I'm starting a blog about my dad and this shitty dementia.  I'm so sad all the time and the fact of the matter is the only way I can truly get all my feelings out is to put them on paper.  Write like a maniac.  That's what I do when I'm mad and sad.  And whatever.    Dad's eyes have that lost look more often now.  It's like sometimes he fades away right in front of my eyes.  I want to pull him back so bad.  Just tell him to snap out of it.  But that's not gonna happen.  This disease has been described as the longest goodbye and it truly is.  But I guess it could be another disease that takes him quickly and no thanks.  I need my dad.  We have baseball to watch.